Slick Ben and the Netflix Kid

After my editor, Slick Ben Sevier, introduced me to the joys (and horrors) of tele-vision a while back, he pretty much cut me loose. "Who am I -- Roger Ebert?" he'd say whenever I asked for more "movie" recommendations. (Thanks to something else Slick Ben showed me -- Google -- I was able to find this Ebert fellow's website and figure out who the heck he is. I still didn't think it was funny, though.)

To add insult to injury, Slick Ben wouldn't loan me his Girls Gone Wild BVD either, so I'm still wondering what exactly it is. Something to do with rabies, maybe?

Eventually, though, I wore Slick Ben down. Not that he's taken me back to Blockbuster or bought me any more 99 cent BVDs. Instead, he actually did something a lot better: He set me up with a Netflix account.

You might think I'd get to ordering Sherlock Holmes movies left and right, and there are indeed a good number in my "Queue." But it was Westerns I wanted to see first. My brother's the Holmes fanatic, remember. Me -- I'm more interested in seeing something about me.

Which isn't to say you'll find The Adventures of Otto Amlingmeyer on Netflix (yet). But you will find a heap of movies about cowboys. And I've already got three sitting atop my tele-vision: The Man from Laramie, Seven Men from Now and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I plan to watch them all come the Sabbath. (After all, God did command us to rest on the seventh day, did He not? And if He'd known about BVDs and beer at the time, I'm sure He would've commanded us to rest in front of a T.V. with a cool mug of brew in our hands.)

Come back on Monday and you can read my "reviews" of the movies. You see, as long as I was at his site, I tried to learn a thing or two from that Mr. Ebert....

Otto "Big Red" Amlingmeyer
March 31, 1893

P.S.: Some folks have been asking how it is a cowboy from 1893 can just drop in to chat with an editor in 2006. And where do I keep my tele-vision. And, for that matter, how can I "blog" on a website. You didn't see many drovers with laptops in their saddlebags, after all. To these folks I say, "Be patient. An explanation is forthcoming...whenever I get around to thinking one up."

Comments

[Brett Battles]

Big Red...be careful with that netflix account. Can be VERY addicting. And there are some movies out there that'll just curl your toes! (Just watch DOWNFALL last night. It's about World War II...but of course you don't know about that yet...very disturbing.)

As for good cowboy flicks, you'd enjoy Treasure of the Sierra Madre. And if you're up for a real trip...Blazin' Saddles...then again, maybe not.

[Brett Battles]

If that Hockensmith fella is reading alone, just got Holmes on the Range in the mail yesterday and it's now occupying a upper level spot in my TBR pile.

[Big Red]

Thanks for the recommendations, Brett! "Blazing Saddles" has now been added to my Queue. Sounds like pretty hard-hitting stuff -- that's a darned dramatic title. "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" has been added to the list, too, though I didn't see any mention of cowboys in the description. More like prospectors. But hey -- close enough. One dirty, smelly Westerner's as good as another, right?

Thank you also for ordering "Holmes on the Range"! Let me know what you think of it. Unless you don't care for it. In that case, you can just keep telling me you haven't gotten to it yet....

-Big Red

[Andrea Frost]

Hey Big Red - I have enjoyed your stories in both Ellery Queen's and Alfred Hitchock's Mystery Magazines. I loved Holmes on the Range - I read it in one day - I couldn't put it down. I'm very much looking forward to your next book and have bookmarked your web site so I can check in on you now and again. ;)

[OldeForce]

Red! Really enjoyed your "Holmes on the Range". Yeah, read it in one day. Would like to see you doing more of that "Watson" work! If you and your brother - oh, and that guy Hockensmith - happen to be up around the Denver area, stop by. I'll take you out to the Aurora shooting range; we need to show that Hockensmith the difference between a single-action Colt and a revolver where the cylinder swings out. Of course, by now about a bazillion readers have mentioned that to Hockensmith -and, I hope, to his editors. Still, that's what you and your brother get with having to have your work go through someone else's hands. How did he get his name on the book? Looking to read more about the Brothers Red.
Yours, OldeForce.

[Big Red]

Thanks for dropping by my blog, Andrea and OldeForce! I'm mightily pleased to hear you both enjoyed my book. And that you both read it in a single day to boot. But now I have to wonder how I'm going to top that. By writing a book folks read in a single morning? Then what? A book folks read in a single trip to the bathroom?

Maybe I should go the opposite way entirely and write a book that's *impossible* to read in a single day. After all, I've certainly met folks who assume that bigger is better when it comes to everything -- even books. If it's real literature, it's got to take you at least half an hour to get through the first sentence, right?

Now, OldeForce -- I have to admit I've never run across that name before. Is it your surname or your Christian name? And how's it pronounced? "Oldy-force"? "Ol-deforce"? It strikes me as French or maybe Basque, but I could fill a book with what I don't know. Some people probably say I already have.

Which brings us 'round to that gun you're referencing. I haven't heard from a bazillion readers about it -- yet -- but you're not the first one to bring it to my attention. (For those not in the know, in "Holmes on the Range" I say Old Red borrowed a man's Peacemaker and "popped the cylinder open and inspected the cartridges inside" -- despite the fact that a single-action Colt in 1893 would most likely be a top-break gun.) I offer three possible explanations: (1) The man who owned the Colt, Brackwell, was wealthy enough to have a custom-made Peacemaker constructed with a swing-out cylinder; (2) I originally wrote that Old Red "opened up the loading gate, pulled the hammer to half-cock,and rotated the cylinder" but Slick Ben thought it was too long and boiled it all down to "popped"; (3) I was hungover when I wrote that scene.

Whichever explanation you prefer, one things certain -- I've boogered up my chances for a Spur Award ( http://www.westernwriters.org/spur_awards.htm ).

-Big Red

[OldeForce]

"OldeForce" - as in Old Man Force. At least, that's who's looking back when I look in the mirror - especially in the morning. Way, way back it was something else - Welsh, probably - or "olde English"! Well, I read the book in one day, but not in one sitting, if you get my drift. And as I'm retired, except for the chores my wife sets out, I can spend some time reading. Or watching old movies. Make sure you see "Red River" and "The Searchers".
And tell Slick Ben to pay attention to what you're writing, rather than what he thinks works best. Your (2) is the way it goes. Or maybe (3). Don't give up on the Spur Award; if not for this book, for another. And the invit to stop by is still open.

[Big Red]

Thanks for the recommendations, OldeForce! I've added "Red River" and "The Searchers" to my Netflix queue. I see that John Wayne fellow is in both of them. He did a little introduction on the "Gunsmoke" BVD I watched a while back. Maybe after I see his movies I'll understand why folks are supposed to be so impressed by the man's stamp of approval on something.

And thanks also for the invite to do some target practice the next time I'm down Colorado way. I'm handy enough with a gun, though I'm no quick-draw artist. It's that Hockensmith who really needs to learn a thing or two. I sent him an e-mail pointing out your invitation, and he told me he's never pulled the trigger on a handgun that didn't squirt water 'stead of lead!

-Big Red