This is the part of putting out a book that drives me crazy. Well, aside from brainstorming the plot and outlining all the chapters. That's not easy. And the actual writing -- that can make me a little cuckoo sometimes. And revising and moving things around and trying to remember what the hell I was thinking when I wrote a scene a certain way seven months ago...that really makes my brain hurt.
You see, the new "Holmes on the Range" novel, The Double-A Western Detective Agency, is done. Ready. Set to go. But the files still need a few minuscule tweaks. How minuscule is "minuscule"? There's a tab missing in the ebook file, and the title on the spine of the paperback needs to be shrunk by one-sixteenth of an inch.
I'm not kidding. That's it. They're tiny changes -- literally -- and I won't have to wait long for them, but you know what comes after that? All the files get uploaded to Amazon, which runs them through its own approval process -- something that takes between 16 and 72 hours. And even if the files get the O.K. (which isn't guaranteed -- Amazon can be persnickety) there's yet another wait waiting for me: It can take days for the book in question to actually appear on the site.
"But, Steve," I hear you say, "you've been working on this book for almost two years. What possible difference could a few more days make?"
My reply: I WANT TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!!
"Dude," I now hear you say (as you run away), "switch to freakin' decaf."
My reply: Sorry.
I was going to get all fancy when the book was finally finished and approved and loaded up to go on sale. There was going to be one last waiting period for pre-orders and extra pre-release hype and such. But you know what? Screw that. As soon as the book can be available it will be available. There will be only one final sorta-kinda delay: On the long-awaited day when the book is on sale, the folks on my e-newsletter list will be the first to know. I'll also throw some sort of giveaway at 'em. So, you know...hint hint. If you want in on that, you know what to do.
And fair enough if you don't want in on that. I joined the AARP recently, and let me tell you: You do not want to give those crafty old bastards your email address. Geez Louise, the spam I get now. Apparently, 21st century senior citizens are suckers for (1) dodgy investment schemes, (2) overpriced windows and (3) B.S. "health supplements" (especially -- sign of the times -- hemp oil), because I get approximately 300 messages about them every day. So yeah -- if you want one less promotional email in your life, I get it. Just keep checking this site (or my Facebook and Twitter feeds) over the next, say, 10 days, and eventually you'll see that The Double-A Western Detective Agency can finally be bought and read and (hopefully) enjoyed.
The wait is almost over.
Just don't ask me how long it'll be before the next book is done....